grief

You can’t replace

I was scrolling through Facebook the other night, which I do too often, when I saw a quote that someone shared. It was shared in a foster/adoption group so the reference was clearly to children. Before my rant, I want to mention that I don’t think that’s what this quote was intended for originally. I also get that I’m more sensitive to these things for obvious reasons but here we are!

If life can remove someone you never dreamt of losing, it can replace them with someone you never dreamt of having.

Yuck. Let me shout this so everyone in the back can hear: YOU CAN’T REPLACE PEOPLE.

Ayla does not replace Blake. Baby E does not replace Blake. Neither of those sweet girls fill the void that Blake has left. They couldn’t (because they are just as unique and special as their sister) and that is not something their Dad and I would make them responsible for. 

You can’t swap out one child for another. Under any circumstances. No. Never. 

I know these types of things are said as an attempted means of comfort for someone who has lost in one way or another. I really do get it. I just feel like it’s not something that should be put out into the world. Maybe when we’re talking about breaking up with a boyfriend at 15? Cool, use that quote. 

Imagine how it would feel if someone told you that one of your children could be replaced. Crazy right? How about your husband? The father of your children? Maybe your Mom or Dad?

I’ve been in the depths of hell. I understand that sometimes we need to hear something that will make us believe there is some kind of light somewhere. Saying something like this will not accomplish that.

You can’t replace people.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s