The other day Jeff and I were packing the kids up to run an errand. Jeff put Blake in her car seat while I helped Kenley get her shoes on. He suddenly remembered that he left the dogs in the backyard, so he ran outside. I picked up Blake, held Kenley’s hand and started toward the door to the garage. Baby girl is getting so heavy. I realized I wouldn’t make it out the door holding them both safely.  I didn’t want anyone falling down the stairs, so I set Blake down right by the door and helped Kenley out. As soon as we got down the two steps to the garage she turned around, looking back. All of sudden she looked panicked and started crying, “Mama! Mama! Stop!”  I was really confused. Even though she’s two, she doesn’t normally get that freaked out unless something is actually wrong. I thought maybe she was hurt. I bent down asking her over and over what was wrong. In between the crying she finally told me, “Mama! You forget Bakey!  Peease, go get her, go get my baby sister.” Oh my god. My  heart.  I told her Blake was just on the other side of the door and I was going back to get her as soon as Daddy came around the corner. She was adamant. “Mama, you forget her! Peease, go back.”

Jeff came around at the point because of the screaming. I went back into the house; Blakey was smiling, just waiting for me. As soon as Kenley saw her, she was completely fine. She smiled and said, “There you are baby! Let’s go, Mama. Come on!” She asked me to wipe her little eyes. We all got in the car and left.

I had to sit and think about that little moment for a long time.

I’ve said this before and I’ll probably say it a million more times: There are so many feelings that run alongside one another during this whole process. I never knew you could feel the happiest you’ve ever felt, all while feeling the saddest you’ve ever felt and at the exact same time. It’s really, really crazy.

I’m incredibly grateful that Kenley loves her sister so much. That sweet little girl is proud, protective and so loving of her baby sister. She could get jealous or angry, like a typical toddler, at all the extra attention Blake gets from us but she doesn’t. She joins us in caring for and loving on her. When Blake cries, Kenley sings to her, rubs her face and gives her a kiss. I’m also so happy that their love is mutual, for sure. Blake thinks Kenley is hilarious and so fascinating.  She watches and laughs while Kenley dances around and plays. Jeff and I talk about how pure their love is. It really seems like that’s how everyone should love each other.

Then, of course, I think of how devastated I am that their bond has to be so short; that I wish they would outlive both Jeff and I and be what’s left of our family, together with their own families; that I would do absolutely anything to watch their love grow; that I’ll live the rest of my life showing Kenley we will never, ever forget her baby sister.