A year ago today, Jeff, Blake and I sat in an exam room at Seattle Children’s Hospital. I was holding my sweet baby girl as she was falling asleep. We were alone, waiting for the doctors to come back in. They were going to tell me something I already knew. They were going to tell… Continue reading Diagnosis day
For multiple reasons, I try to avoid talking about some things on here. I don’t want to make people feel worse for us. I want to show there are positives that still happen and I’m still grateful, always. Greater than my desire to show positives, though, is my trying to remain truthful. My struggle is,… Continue reading What is it like?
I was going through some of my mom’s pictures last night. Sometimes, I like to look at the photos my family took of Blake instead of my own. They have tons I’ve never seen (or don’t remember seeing) and I like that. This one in particular struck me. I mean, they all do, but today… Continue reading Running
As soon as Blake was a couple months old, I knew she was special. Shortly before she was diagnosed with SMA, I knew that her life would mean more than I ever could have imagined. After the reality of her diagnosis, I also knew I would never stop trying to show people all that I… Continue reading The Sunshine Company
Tonight I went into Kenley’s room to fold her laundry. I’ve always been much better about doing my girls’ laundry than mine or Jeff’s. Sorting, washing, folding – I dislike the entire process. I started folding her clothes, realizing because of the weather change she has so many new ones. I was looking at labels… Continue reading Laundry
I had an appointment with my grief therapist the other day. I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks because of Kenley’s leg and going back to work. She started asking me questions and I unloaded. I didn’t realize I had so many things to say. I told her I couldn’t understand why so many… Continue reading Fine
It’s unbelievable our Blake is actually gone. It’s still hard to believe SMA came into our lives and took my innocent baby girl. It’s hard to believe this happened to my family. But it did; it happened to us. It happened to me. I used to read a lot of tragic stories and think to… Continue reading Nightmare
Something that became very important to us, once SMA entered our lives, was having experiences. We wanted Blake to experience absolutely everything that she safely could. Jeff and I are still determined to experience more in this life, because our bodies allow us to. We feel we owe that to our youngest daughter. We want… Continue reading Artful ashes
Blake has been gone just over six weeks. I have absolutely no idea how that much time has passed. We had spent 5 months and 1 day since she was diagnosed trying to prepare ourselves, for her to leave, as best we could. Let’s be real; there is no preparation. There’s no way to be… Continue reading Six weeks
Blake’s first birthday is coming up on September 17. I remember the day I met her so vividly; it is tied with the birth of her older sister as the best day of my life. The doctor told me to push and I did –once- and there she was. She wouldn’t let me put her… Continue reading Blake’s First Birthday
Still Finding Sunshine 