My sweet friend told me recently, “I think you’re just better at being a mom than I am. You make it look so easy.”

Here’s the deal: I think we all suffer a little bit from highlighting the happy or good looking times on social media. I don’t know about you, but I’m not super into seeing pictures of crying toddlers or piles of laundry. If I wanted to see that, I’d just take a look around my own house! I’m definitely guilty of posting pictures of my girls being sweet, cute and funny. I also realize, as a mom, that shit’s only part of the story. I get it though. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that. Like when people have all white everything. How is that even possible with little kids?

I’m no parenting expert, but I’ve figured out a few things. Those few things always circle back to one thing. I don’t know that it makes things easier but I do think that it makes things better.

Here’s my (not so secret) secret about how I mom: I love them like I’m going to lose them.

If you aren’t like me, a bereaved mom, that’s a scary thing to read. If you are like me, you know exactly what I mean and why. I love them like today is the last day I have the privilege to do so. 

At times, it’s a bad thing. My kids might miss out on things that other kids won’t because of the fear their parents carry. I hope they will know when they’re older that everything we do is for them. 

I told my friend (who is a fantastic mom, by the way) that I’ve had a change of perspective in life and in parenting. Blake showed me that no matter what circumstances are thrown at us, THIS time is all we’ve got, so we have a choice. Everyday we must make a decision one way or another. For myself and my family, I had to do my best to lessen all the stress over things like dishes, rigid schedules and what others may think of me. I had to learn to live in the now.

A couple weeks ago, I wore a matching Christmas onesie to the movies with Kenley. We got tons of compliments in case you were wondering. Tonight, I rewashed a load of laundry for the fourth time. I’ve been trying to plan our meals since 2014, when I first became a mama. Baby E pooped on the wall last week and I laughed so hard that I cried. As a family, we constantly dance in the car and probably eat too much take out. 

My kids still have rules and structure. They also have a shitload of fun. Most importantly, they know they are fiercely loved. 

Maybe I’m doing it wrong but I gotta tell ya, it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels good to focus on my family, love them, be silly with them and embrace all the chaos being their mama brings.

So, leave the dishes in the sink for a little while. Maybe do a little car dancing. Go buy a onesie!