I want to thank those of you who have reached out to me; it means a lot during this extremely difficult time. People whom I’ve never met are taking the time to think of us and pray for my family. That really blows me away and I’m grateful. Many people have asked how we’re doing. My answer doesn’t satisfy most, but it’s honest: terrible. We’re floating through the days, trying hard to keep some normalcy for Kenley. We still have a hard time believing that Blake is no longer on this earth.
I feel like I need to clear something up, though. I considered waiting, because my mind is a mess, but it keeps coming up, so here I am.
There seems to be the idea- from quite a few people- that knowing SMA would eventually take Blake’s life or that it was “expected”, would somehow make her loss easier to bear. Let me tell you: that is about the furthest thing from the truth.
I carried Blake in my body for 9 months. When she was born, I cared for her every single day for almost 11 months. And then, one day, I held her lifeless body in my arms. I have lived for 10 days now without holding her and it feels like a lifetime. This is the hardest fucking thing I have ever done and it is just beginning. We were not ready. We were not prepared and we never would have been. Blakey is supposed to be here with us and she’s not. I assure you; it is NOT easy, nor easier, because I knew it was coming. Not in any kind of way.
Losing your child, under ANY circumstance, in any way, is absolutely horrific.