Blake · grief

She would be two

Today my Blakey would be 2 years old. I can’t believe it’s been that long already. In all honesty, I still can’t believe we will never celebrate a birthday with her here. Important days, like today, mostly make me feel numb. I almost have to remind myself that yes, this is actually real and yes, she is actually gone. Kenleys 2 Birthday Party & Randoms 071

At this time two years ago, we were just meeting our sweet girl. She didn’t have a name (not a first or a middle) and all she wanted to do was snuggle. All of my worries and mother’s intuition aside, I knew she would be special. I also knew Kenley would love her and I couldn’t wait for them to meet. I’m glad my memories of this day, two years ago, are still so vivid. That was the only birthday I would hold her in my arms.

We tried our best to celebrate Blake’s birthday today. Without this day we never would have met her. Even though our hearts are broken, she was here and she is still ours. For those things, we are so grateful which is why we do our best.  Despite the crappy weather we went to her favorite beach and had a bbq. I got to watch Kenley play with friends and just be. I think it was the best we could’ve hoped for with so much sadness in our hearts.

Today, just like the day she was born, I still love Blake (and her sisters) more than anything. My world will never, ever be whole without her. My family, incomplete. I want to see her playing next to her sisters. That’s where she should be. Blakey 019

No matter what others want for me or say, my heart will never completely heal. I wouldn’t want it to.

Blakey, we love you and miss you so very much. We wish we could hug you and kiss you today. We want to sing to you and watch you open presents. We would give anything to watch you grow.

Happy Birthday to you, our little sunshine girl.




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